TW: S*xual Assault
TW: R*pe, s*xual assault, s*xual abuse.
The worst enemy for a s*xual assault victim is usually self-blame. "I should have been more careful". "I should have taken another path when I knew the one I took was notorious for trouble". "I should have crossed the street when I felt uncomfortable on that path". "I should have fought back".
The only thing you truly should be saying to yourself is “I survived.” I did what survivors do. I gave him what he wanted to survive. Because that is what you are, a survivor. But in the qualms of shame, disgust and fear, you often turn your back on yourself. Label yourself with what you are not and conclude that you are worthless. There is no greater tragedy for a victim, a survivor, than self-blame. It is important to remember that it was not your fault, you are loved and you are important. Here are some things you can do to help yourself get through it.
Seek Medical Help: The first and most important thing to do as a survivor of sexual assault is to seek medical help. You need to ensure your physical and sexual health as difficult as it is to process what has happened. Many women, and indeed men, are reluctant to go to a hospital because they do not want to admit to themselves, and to others, the reality of those events. But there are several injuries that could come with such an ordeal. Medical attention is imperative to check for any pregnancies or STIs. You can contact your nearest sexual assault referral centre (SARC). They have trained doctors and nurses that can offer physical, mental and emotional support. Going to the hospital ensures that a rape kit is obtained so that any DNA evidence from your attacker can be obtained. This can help to catch the perpetrator or establish a pattern if he strikes again. Survivors are usually advised not to shower or take a bath and get the rape kit done within 72 hours before the attackers DNA is degraded. So, be brave, do not let your attacker win.
Give yourself time to process things: I suppose you have all heard the saying “Time heals all.” This could be difficult to believe for anyone in this situation there is no way to go around trauma. The only route is to work through it. Many begin to doubt their intuition after such an event, this is expected and normal. It is not your fault that it does so. It is a good idea to make an appointment with a therapist and talk through it. Little things like journaling or meditation can help. It is imperative to acknowledge your trauma, so that overtime you can reduce the negative feelings associated with such an event. You need to prioritise your mental and emotional health.
Get support: There are private hotlines such as Rape Crisis England and Wales that support survivors of r*pe, s*xual assault, or s*xual abuse. They will listen to you and support you. They are also trained to provide you with any information that could help you move forward whether it is legally or personally. On the other hand, you can choose to confide in someone you trust, someone you know will not judge you and will want to help you. Part of the healing process is to know you do not need to go through your pain alone. You are allowed to share and unburden yourself.
Consider your legal options: For several survivors, it is not easy to decide to pursue a police case. Sometimes out of fear or shame. It may be that you are scared that your attacker could attack you again, or you may fear to report because your attacker is someone you know. You feel afraid of the shame or what others will say, as victim blaming is still ride in society. You may also not want to pursue a case because you do not want to go through a trial or face your attacker in court. As*ault is usually about dominance, about taking away your power, reducing you to something damned to misfortune. Filing a report can give you back your power. It allows you to take control and seek justice for yourself, to fight for yourself. And that can truly be empowering. It will also prevent others from potentially being attacked.
Aim to reconnect with yourself: This gives you something to look forward to. You can't change what happened in the past, but you can control how you live your present. Your experiences do not define you; they make you better. It is all about what you decide to do afterwards. You cannot let yourself lose control of your life. It is recommended to have a supportive community that understands what you have been through, for example, by joining an in person or online community for survivors. Try to go for social outings and integrate into society again. Of course, take it one day at a time. There will be some reluctance born of anxiety, fear, and depression but it is not a sprint, it is a marathon. You are not alone <3
Take care to love yourself and remember who you are. The experience of assault can only control you if you allow it. As difficult an experience it is to go through, it is equally difficult to recover from. Just remember that you can and that you are strong.
If you have any other tips you would like to share, feel free to leave it in the comments section!
Stay tuned and stay safe.
Maryam.
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