TW: S*xual Assault/ S*xual Harassmen/ D*mestic Violence/ Gr*ping
How many times have you walked home late from work on your own and looked over your shoulder a thousand times wondering if the guy behind you had malicious motives?
How many times have you experienced a car with a creepy looking man pull up beside you and you completely freaked out?
How many times have you gone on a quick errand and wore a huge hoodie to hide your gender, so that you would not get harassed?
How many times have you been gr*ped at a bar and been told 'it was probably just an accident?'
For how long are we going to allow these tragic scenarios to go on in the lives of women? These fears are not irrational but real. It happens everywhere, at work, in school, in shops, at the park, on the streets, in alleyways, anywhere you can think of!
Many organisations from local to national have made it their goal to empower women against the dangers we face in society every day, but the reality remains that we must protect ourselves. And maybe that is why we have resorted to talking to a partner on the phone the entire way home or asking a stranger to pretend to know us so we can get away from someone harassing us on the street. We cannot ignore what we must do to ensure our safety as unfortunate as it is. We want to and we will make societal change, but it takes time to change the toxic culture which permeates every part of society, from young primary school boys to CEO's. In the future, we hope that things become different and women are not subject to harassment on a daily basis. But as of now, here are a few tips to make yourself and your community safer:
Be your sisters’ keeper – The first step to winning your freedom back is to create a community that empowers each other. This is what Urban Angels is about. But easier than that, you can simply take care of your sister, friend, roommate, by walking with them when you can. Everyone knows we are stronger in groups. Simple acts like this make you and the people around you feel safer.
Start a neighbourhood watch – It is unfortunate that for many, their neighbour is only known to them as a familiar car that drives up the street at the same time every day or that lady whose dog always messes up your lawn. As easy as it is to go on with your life this way, the benefits of having a supportive neighbourhood can save your life. Get to know your neighbours! You can suggest that you form a neighbourhood watch. Part of taking charge of your safety involves actively making the effort to make the area around you safer. Willing participants can come together to take part in organised neighbourhood watch meetings. This can easily be done online or in an agreed space in person. Here, safety issues can be discussed, and the local police station can even be informed of your group. This way, they can get involved by sending a law enforcer to meetings to give safety tips or take up concerns with local law enforcement.
Talk to each other – As obvious as it may seem, sometimes the best way to make yourself feel safer is by reminding yourself and those around you to be vigilant when they are out. Warn friends about suspicious people and dangerous routes. Let someone know your destination and tell them when you arrive. It is the little things like this that help especially when you are out alone. If you live alone, let a family member or friend know where you are going. It may seem ridiculous, it isn’t. In fact, let as many people as you can know, the more the merrier.
Men need to join the conversation – The fact remains that women talk to women about being assaulted or the fear of being assaulted. In most assault cases, women are the victims and men, the perpetrators (although this is not always true). Since men often do not go through such everyday experiences, they feel removed, disconnected or even unaware of what is truly going on. The journey to enlightenment can begin with teaching our brothers, sons, male friends about the reality of what women go through and making them understand that they need to look out for others. Whether it be calling out that friend who makes a sexist comment, stepping in to protect a woman being harassed, they need to stand up and be as committed to change as women are. Most importantly men need to be conscious of their behaviours and how small things can make women feel uncomfortable. Men are often unaware of how they can easily invade a woman’s space in public spaces such as in a bar. They need to understand that women never feel totally safe, and they need to respect that.
Get involved in learning self-defence and share what you learn with your friends – Not everyone can pay for a personal trainer or self-defence classes but there are often free sessions held by charities or organisations. Urban Angels also plan to liaise with groups that teach self-defence. Furthermore, you can learn the basics online. Invest the time to actually look for and retain simple self-defence techniques that you can use, you never know when you might need them. You can have fun by learning self-defence with friends and practising with each other! Share self-defence courses you come across so others can benefit too.
Try to stay in well lit and busy spaces – Avoid dark alleyways and known trouble spots and quiet areas, even if these routes save you a lot of time. It is not worth it! Also, try to avoid going out alone if you can.
Join or form social media groups – Where it is difficult to form an in-person support group, why not have a virtual one! Urban Angels is a Facebook community that does exactly that. It includes people sharing their stories, tips about suspicious people/places, walk together schemes and more. If you have not joined the Urban Angels Facebook group in your city, what are you waiting for? Also follow the Instagram page @the.urban.angels
Tell your story - This is just a little something I think is important for mental health. Women are not strangers to horrible things taking place. Things that cause them to question what good is left in the world. At the same time, there are people unaware of how gruesome and traumatic things can get. Sharing your story is not about getting sympathy for those who think they would rather not be pitied, rather, it is about raising awareness with regards to the dangers lurking. These form stronger bonds among women in the community, acknowledging the treacherous events that can affect women and how they can become stronger because of them. Others can learn from them, no matter how little impact you think your story may have. Sharing can also be therapeutic and can allow others to also feel safe to open up.
Community lies at the heart of creating real and meaningful change and that is truly what Urban Angels is about.
Stay tuned and stay safe.
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